Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine

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I fell off a treadmill. Twice. In 5 minutes.

It happened when I was 18. It was my first year away from home, and my first time dealing with winter since I was a kid, and I was sooooo homesick.

So I ate.

A lot.

And in the span of about 7 months, I put on 30 lbs.

When spring rolled around that year, on one of my many visits to my Grandparents’ house, my Grandmother came down to greet me and said, “Oh, Dani! You’ve gotten fat!”

I’d never been called that in my life.

So I joined a gym.

I fell off a treadmill twice in 5 minutes

My intention was to stick with things I was familiar with, like Step Reebok classes (remember those?!), but I was given a one-month complimentary pass to use the weight and exercise machines. I figured I had to at least TRY some of the equipment out, and decided I’d go for a run.

Now, I’ve never really had the stamina to run long distances, but everyone made it look so easy. So I started out with a brisk walk, gradually increased the speed until I was jogging, and as I looked around, I actually felt like I fit in.

It was glorious.

But within 2 minutes, that feeling came to a screeching halt.

I was having a hard time breathing, and my attempts to reduce the speed of that damn machine weren’t working, so I eventually just gave up. Yes, that’s right. I just stopped running. And, drama queen that I am, I threw my arms up over my head at the exact moment that my whole body was pushed backwards and smacked into the wall behind me.

Everyone went silent and turned to stare at me.

Now, a normal person would’ve laughed it off, grabbed her things, and headed for the shower. But not me. Nope, I decided to get back on that treadmill and show everyone a little fall wasn’t going to bring me down.

It took a few minutes to psych myself up to do it, but eventually I took a deep breath, put one foot on the treadmill, and then the other foot, and (literally) attempted to hit the ground running.

But the darn thing flung me off.

Imagine my embarrassment when the woman next to me reached over and pressed the red STOP button.

How had I missed that button?

And where was she the FIRST time I fell off?!

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41 Responses

  1. First off Dani, thank you for linking up to us. Second, I knew I loved you and seriously I am a klutz from way back and would have probably done this, too. Lord knows how many time I have fallen. The other night, I practically fell down our steps yet again. Seriously not sure when I will stop doing that one (probably never). Great story and you are awesome!!! :) :)

  2. OMG that was hilarious! I thought for sure the two times you fell off would have been on different visits to the gym! And I love that woman who stopped it for you – where was she the first time??

  3. LOL! Leave it to grandparents to tell you how it is. I’ve imagined myself doing this a number of times, but it hasn’t happened yet. I did, however, fall down two steps at a night club once when I was on the verge of drunk. Went in the bathroom, cleaned myself up, came back out, like the prom queen I was, and fell down the same two steps again. I just moved on and pretended like it didn’t happen. Thanks for linking up!

  4. I love you for getting back on the treadmill a second time. And even more for not getting up on it a third.

  5. Hee hee… I can totally see myself doing that. I am a graceless disaster. Glad you linked that up with the FTSF today!

  6. Oh my god, I’m dying! You brave soul! I am always so self conscious at the gym. It takes me a while to figure out no one is looking at me anyway!

  7. So sounds like something that would happen to me! And good for you for getting back up! You know all the pro gymmers just rolled their eyes and thought “newbie!!”

  8. I give you a lot of credit for getting back on that horse so to speak…I hate treadmills because I’m so afraid of something like that happening. I’ve been on one exactly once and was terrified the whole time…I’ll stick with you in the step classes.

  9. “I just stopped running” – BWAHAHAHA!!! I also thought that second time was going to be on another visit to the gym, not immediately after the first fall. You poor thing. I feel bad for you but also sorry I didn’t get to see this in person. Is that mean?

  10. My sister did that while at my house on time. She was talking on her phone and messing with my treadmill and accidentally turned it on… True story.

  11. Hilarious. Thanks for the laugh. I needed that tonight.

  12. Bahahahahahaah! Tried the treadmill thing…once. That was enough. I decided to take my happy ass outside and take my chances with the wildlife. :)

  13. Oh man – you sound like me, Dani. I had a lady actually stand next to my treadmill at the gym and demand I attach that little clip on a string to my shirt. Like that’s going to prevent me from flying off the thing. Don’t those things just mercilessly drag you along? Hilarious post!

  14. This is EXACTLY why I never go to the gym. Well, this and the fact that I hate public exercise. Great post!

  15. I am still catching up on FTSF and I intend to read them all because laughter is good for the soul. Your post did not disappoint. Loved it! I hope to see you again!

  16. My favorite klutz story EVER! I think it’s because I’ve heard my husband tell a similar story like twenty times and it still makes me laugh so hard I cry. Too funny.

  17. I can see you now. In fact, I think I saw you the other day at the gym I go to. Silly newbies.

  18. Hi, iv been visiting your blog for 2weeks now…reading all your back post, and really enjoying them. I’m from south africa, never really had anything to comment about, till today! I also fell of the treadmill the first time I went on when I was 18 :D my reason? I didn’t know it moved on its own! I though you ran on it to make it move (if that makes any sense) so when I pressed the button, I went flying off… Your story made me laugh and remember the horror!

    Btw, great blog! I love it!

    • HI!!!! Wow, this was such a nice comment! I’m so glad you are following my blog, and that I keep you entertained! :)

      I laughed out loud when I read that you thought the treadmill only moved when you ran on it. I can totally see why you thought that! And I can just imagine the shock you felt when you found out that was incorrect. HA!!! :)

      Thanks for stopping by and leaving me a comment!

  19. I’m sorry, but I’m totally laughing at you right now. I can just picture it and it’s hilarious. I’m sure it’s not what you wanted to hear though. I almost fell off a treadmill when my foot hit the side instead of the runner. Thankfully I was able to grab onto the handles and stay upright.

  20. literally laughing out loud over here!
    not WITH you.
    definitely AT you! :o)
    Dani, I would have loved to see you try to board that rolling treadmill the second time — that is just hysterical!! You crack me up!

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