Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine

Uncorking the beauty of parenting

50 things I want to teach my daughter

Today I’m sharing a list of 50 things I want to teach my daughter.

I started thinking about this after my husband and I had an awkward conversation about guardianship for our daughter, and I realized how many things I need to teach her while I still have the chance.

But since she’s not old enough to understand a lot of these things, I decided I’d write out a list that I can give to her at a more appropriate time.

And since I have a habit of over-sharing on my blog, I decided I would give you a copy as well.

Because some of these lessons might be important to you, too.

So here you have it…

This list of 50 heartfelt, but funny things I want to teach my daughter is a must-read for all moms with young girls. Seriously.

1. NEVER use scented tampons.

2. Always look people in the eye when you’re talking to them.

3. Don’t scrimp on wine, perfume, or handbags. They say a lot about a woman.

4. Grilled cheese sandwiches and macaroni and cheese are to be eaten with ketchup. Eggs are not.

5. You are not better than anyone, and no one is better than you.

6. Just because you can fit in the extra-small, doesn’t mean you should be wearing it.

7. It’s not the quantity of friends that matter. It’s the quality.

8. You can tell a lot about someone by their shoes. Make sure yours are always polished.

9. When people talk to you, LISTEN to them.

10. Make sure you always have a little “eff you” money tucked away for those times when life isn’t treating you the way you want it to.

11. See the world. And pack Imodium.

12. Live to eat, not the other way around.

13. People remember how you make them feel. Never forget that.

14. Don’t gossip. Except with me. I love that stuff.

15. Go with your gut. It’s very rarely wrong.

16. Go to university, live in residence, and have fun. But get good grades. A degree will take you places.

17. Take responsibility for your actions and apologize when you’re in the wrong.

18. Don’t be afraid to fail.

19. If he makes you cry anything but happy tears, he’s not worth it.

20. Repeat after me: I. Can. Accomplish. Anything.

21. Don’t sleep around. Guys may have fun with sluts, but they don’t marry them.

22. Don’t be a sore loser.

23. If you decide you prefer women to men, your Dad and I will not care, nor will we love you any less. Just promise me you’ll take me to a gay bar. I know I’d make you proud.

24. A little bit of weed is okay, but don’t smoke cigarettes, and never do anything chemical.

25. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

26. A shot of vodka before shopping for swimwear makes the whole experience much more pleasurable.

27. I don’t care how young you are: if you’ve been drinking, call me. I’ll get you and your friends home safely. No questions asked.

28. Download Miles Davis’ album, Kind of Blue.

29. Never judge people you don’t know unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

30. Don’t let a day go by without listening to music.

31. If you’re not married to him, don’t have unprotected sex with him.

32. The world is too small a place to be a jerk to anyone (unless he was a jerk first).

33. When wearing pantyhose, always have a back-up pair in your purse.

34. Don’t be afraid to go out without make-up on. I imagine it must be quite liberating.

35. Wear sunscreen.

36. Always bring your own dessert when you go to Gran and Grandad’s for dinner.

37. Learn how to say “NO”.

38. Read lots of books.

39. When it comes to relationships, don’t settle. Wait for the one that takes your breath. Like I did.

40. Rules are made to be broken. Except mine.

41. I’ve always got your back.

42. If you’re not comfortable talking about it, you shouldn’t be doing it.

43. Very few things are more painful than childbirth. Bikini waxing is one of those things.

44. Never go to bed mad. And don’t tell your partner everything.

45. Learn how to cook. I didn’t, and we both know how that turned out.

46. Tattoos are permanent. Think long and hard before getting one.

47. Always have something that’s just for you, be it writing, music, crafting, or something equally awesome. And make time for it. It’ll do wonders for you.

48. Never lose your sense of humor.

49. Even when I’m gone, I’ll always be with you.

50. Everything is going to be okay.

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84 Responses

  1. Awesome list and we still have to do the whole will thing. I am dreading it and will tell you this, I truly don’t like to think about death just freaks me out a bit. That said too many good points here and think you hit them all :)

  2. I love that you started the list with scented tampons! Is there anything worse in the feminine hygiene world? blech!

    “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.” – Clairee Belcher

  3. Kari @ A Grace Full Life says:

    This is a GREAT list!!
    Wow.
    I cannot love this more.
    And I agree with every single one.
    Your daughter is lucky to have you. :)

  4. “Rules are made to be broken. Except mine.” :)

  5. The will thing is so not fun but so necessary. We need to do that too. Ugh. Baby steps, that’s probably closer to spring before we get that done. But for now I have a whole list of great advice to pull from. Much of this is advice that we adults can use too. Especially the one about the extra small. ;-)

  6. You’ve made a great list, she’s lucky to have you. I agree with everything too, number 1 made me giggle. I don’t even know why they make those. I found ya on the December blog hop. I hope you and the family have a great day.

    Nikki
    http://www.thecraftysideofsarcasm.com

  7. I wish my mother would have given me this list! It is great!

  8. I loved this!!! Especially #23. I’m going to share this post! Too awesome!

  9. Love the list. #21..words to start teaching from a very young age. Very true.

  10. Love 14 – made me laugh, 15 – I think it’s so true, 19 – no guy is worth your self-esteem, 33 – I never thought about that – it’s great advice, and 42 – unfortunately, not enough girls and women live by that these days. This is a great list. I don’t have any girls, but a lot of these could apply to boys, too.

  11. localsugarhawaii says:

    what an incredibly thorough list. your daughter will be prepared for anything. Love esp. the having something, creative, just for you. love.

    Aloha,
    I’m stopping by from An Ephesians 5:33 Wife to say “hi” and to invite you to join for An Aloha Affair, a sweet gathering and growing together of creative souls. You are always welcome. Always.

    xo,
    Nicole
    localsugarhawaii.com

  12. Mrs Worthington says:

    Bloody love your list, think I might print off and put in their stockings for. Christmas

  13. […] Cloudy, With A Chance of Wine-50 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter. Having to update your will is never fun stuff, but I love this list she made for her daughter. I love this blog, and I hope you will check it out!  I love that she starts this list with scented tampons. […]

  14. I was just having a conversation with the oldest the other evening about drinking and I said pretty much what you said in #27. These are great.

    • You know, I think it’s good advice. Kids are going to drink, and I think it’s our responsibility to keep them safe. And I would much rather she tell me she’s shit balls drunk so I can get her and her friends home safely than have her feel too scared to tell me and put her life at risk. I shall be sure to instill this one in her from a very early age, and will be sure to keep my word and not get angry. I will, however, make sure to make her slippery eggs for breakfast the next morning to get the ‘ole gag reflex going as pay back. :)

  15. Great list! I agree with every one of them…. but give me a call on #27 if you actually do manage not to ask questions. **This is the voice of experience talking**. LOL. Because trust me: You. Will. Have. Questions. Who was that boy? Where did you get the alcohol? Were you DRIVING??? Yeah. There will be questions. Kudos to you if you can bottle them up. (har har har…get it?)
    Great post. TALU!!!

  16. Popping in via the #TALU. I knew just from your logo image that you would make me laugh, and you did not disappoint, but ketchup on mac and cheese?? I kinda get the grilled cheese since so many people dunk theirs in tomato soup, but I would definitely put it on eggs first. Picked that up from my grandmother, although it works better on an omelet than on say scrambled. No. 34 cracked me up. You should definitely try it sometime. It IS liberating. ;)

  17. What a perfect list. I love that some of the items made me cry and others laugh like a loon. My husband and I are doing the whole will thing right now too and it’s hard. UGH.
    Oh and if you think ketchup on mac n cheese is yummy, try salsa. It’s heaven.
    TALU!

  18. Really enjoyed this post. First time here (TALU) and I’ll be back. Posting to Pinterest, too! (still laughing at the ketchup on mac n’ cheese)

  19. A Loved this! I was nodding in agreement on a lot of them and giggling on the rest. Thanks for sharing this on TALU.

  20. So glad I found this on TALU, as I apparently missed it earlier this week. Oh,that’s right, my kid ruined my laptop by spilling water on it. :( I digress.
    I loved this list so much I may print it out and hang it up. Scented tampons, Imodium, don’t gossip except with me…hilarious! Then the thoughtful ones were even that much more special. And kind of made me want to cry. Nice work.

    • Oh my – is your laptop okay? I did that on a business trip once, only I spilled wine on it. It was a pretty awkward conversation when I had to explain to my boss why I couldn’t respond to emails the remainder of my trip!

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the post. :) This was one of my favorite ones to write.

      I love TALU and need to get back there to read what other people shared. It has been crazy over here, and I have no idea where the days go!!!

  21. I have to ask, on #12, did you really mean to say live to eat?

  22. I’m laughing because I can’t believe your #1! That’s really the most imporant thing to you? I didn’t even know they made them!

  23. I love, love, love your list! Except substitute “vodka” for “Fireball” and bring a friend with you to laugh.

  24. I’m in love with this list, and I wouldn’t hesitate to pass it along to my daughters (well, when they’re older…), except with the possible addition of another shot of vodka for the swimsuit shopping. ;)

  25. Love the list! I especially like “don’t tell your partner everything” – so many people think everything should be shared, and it’s just not necessary.

  26. Fantastic list! I almost wish I had a daughter to pass these on to. :)

  27. So much awesome here. I have to agree with so many but #30 is boss. Thanks for linking up. Great read. Erin

  28. I’ve been waiting until the daycare costs go down a bit to do our wills. One of the things I want to do this year too is write letters to my kids in case something happens to me. And a list like this!

  29. I’m late, I’m late! Here from the top five list posted at the top of the current Finding the Funny. Killer list, laughed and cried and am off to share it now. Thank you kindly!

  30. I like your list a lot! It hits all of the important things! But I disagree with 24. Yeah, cigarettes are horrible, but so is weed. It can send you on a path towards harder drugs. I’ve seen it happen.

  31. These are great tips!! I loved reading each one. #50 is very sweet and always true! :)

  32. #24 and #31 are my definite favorites.

  33. […] Cloudy, With A Chance of Wine-50 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter. Having to update your will is never fun stuff, but I love this list she made for her daughter. I love this blog, and I hope you will check it out!  I love that she starts this list with scented tampons. […]

  34. I don’t know how I missed this one!!! I love this list!!!! Just great!!!

  35. Love it all! Perfect!

  36. […] I saw “50 things I want to teach my daughter,” I said, “50?!!” Then I read it, and I said, […]

  37. “Wear sunscreen” should be in every parents list!

  38. This is a perfect list!!!

  39. I don’t have a daughter, but love this list! In fact number 5,20,27,48,4 &,50 are the ones that i definitely want to teach my sons :)

  40. I have always told all of my children that I am the ONLY person in the whole world who will never lie to them about anything important…. because I am the only person in the whole world who always has only THEIR best interests in mind….. <3

  41. An absolutely wonderful list! My daughter just turned 25 and I’m going to share the list with her!

  42. the most important thing for me is that she knows she is beautiful no matter what. a close second is that i would rather that she cussed (but never at me)than used words such as hate, stupid, retarded, gay (when not discussing someone’s preferences), or wishing someone dead.

  43. […] around when her daughter was older, but then the post became funny as hell. ( Check it out here  BUT only after you finish reading my post). Of course I thought of all the different pearls of […]

  44. I read the “what I want to teach my son” version and the difference between the two disturbs me. I think some of the suggestions to girls are good ones; but a few concerns. Why is there more suggestions about girls and sex than boys and sex? Or I understand both genders should learn good listening skills, but its more specific in this article than the boy one. Or its like the article wants to put more pressure on girls and decisions than boys.

    I will teach my children no matter what gender that they need to think hard about thier decisions and how they effect them and others around them. And I will be there to help them on the right path so they learn from their successes or their failures.

  45. I’m sorry but some of these are awful.

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